Chasing Dreams

Isn’t it funny that a man can go through the whole day looking for inspiration, only to find that which he searches for at the moment he least expects it?

I’ve spend half the day yesterday looking high and low for inspiration. Inspiration on what to write about in my blog. Inspiration for matters in my life that I have to face. Sadly the inspirations I aspired for alluded me.

Finally at the end of the day, as I shut off my room light and snuggled into my bed, my thoughts begin to run wild and I couldn’t really get on with attaining that blissful state called sleep. More and more I began running down all the many dozens of lines of thought in my mind. Thus did I come upon an inspiration of sorts. What exactly that inspiration is, I myself am hard press to say let alone describe it here.

As any decent tale goes, we must have a beginning. Well my beginning is here.

Such is the case that every other day I find myself, in retrospect, slogging through my usual routines – i.e. wake up, get to work and put my time in, get back, spend some time either blogging, surfing and then my reading session before I hit the sack and end the day. This is what everyone, more or less, goes through on a daily basis. For some this is enough and thus are they are content with life. However for me, this is never the case. My case is as such because whatever I may be doing, there are these moments in between when I begin to wonder, look inside myself and try to envision my path in life. It is these very moments that afford me my greatest inspirations and it is also these moments that are at the same time my bane. They can be the sweet torment that you do not realize to be eating away at you bit by bit.

You see I consider myself to be a very capable dreamer. Sure anyone can build castles in the sky, but I seem to have the singular skill at build many a fine and most detailed castles of my own. These castles are in effect my dreams and my hopes. These dreams of mine take many a shape but mostly they can be categorized into the following:

  • Migrate away from Malaysia, to somewhere like Canada – because I don’t want to be ‘stuck‘ here for the rest of my life!
  • Put serious effort into my blogging endeavors and commit to it – yup commitment issue and all that
  • Look for that one great idea that can allow me to kick off my own business.
  • Start putting down the great ideas that sometime pop into my head about writing my own fantasy series – Harry Potter move aside.

Of course those are just the somewhat realistic kind of dreams. The other dreams are of the nonsensical type – like having the powers like that of my favorite anime character, or even something on the level on the characters in Heroes, …, etc (now you know how cuckoo I am)

So what the problem?

Well as with every dream or goal, taking the first step towards it is what get you on the journey towards that dream or goal. This is in effect where time and time again I fumble. I rarely take the first step and even when I do manage move my proverbial feet … I don’t seem to follow through.

Take for example my dream to migrate away from Malaysia. A year ago I began to think that this was  is what I wanted and needed to do. I did my research on options for migration to Canada. I gave myself a timeline of a year to come to some sort of decision. Yet today, close to a year after, I am still nowhere near to any sort of decision in this matter. I have consider my options to some degree, yet I haven’t settle on a decision. Again after my first step, I have come to an utter stop. Maybe part of the problem in this case is that due to the fact that migrating away is a major major decision, one that can will have many percussions on various aspects of my life, that I continue to delay making any decision. Plus money is a major factor too!

So where does that leave me? And what has this to do with inspiration?

Well I don’t know myself. HAH – that sure got your boat rocking. Welcome to the great mystery of my life.


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